Hekate's Call, Chapter 13

Hours passed.

Manya really wasn't coming back tonight.

Krystyn laid awake, completely alone for the first time in years, staring at the ceiling. Somewhere deep down she didn't want to close her eyes because the nightmares might come back. She was doing fine until those three arrived. Until things changed.

Didn't that mean she wasn't doing well at all? She'd just fallen into a pattern of thinking she was okay and never being confronted with anything that would actually force her to reconcile with herself.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

She repeated the exercise whenever she felt her heart rate start to rise. It helped.

But like Velia said, it wasn't enough.

Time to visit the Corpse Eater. It was hard to believe the woman was the monster people made her out to be. The cigarette thing was fucked up, sure, but otherwise she'd been the most attentive doctor Krystyn had ever dealt with. It was awful in its own way.

The pilot's rooms were more or less soundproof when the door was closed, so she didn't hear anything when she lingered outside Ilina's room. None of the sounds she'd gotten so used to hearing or those filthy fucking things Manya would whisper. They always made her skin crawl.

The medbay was another story, when she opened the door and stepped in. She was instantly assaulted with an awful howling. Loud, unfiltered, heart wrenching sobbing. She stepped inward, closing the door behind her, and looked for the source frantically.

Kyrnn had bought a pleasant little couch, just big enough for a nap, and more comfortable than the examination beds. The tired woman laid comfortably cradling the pitiful, sobbing wreck of Ilina Falke.

The woman who so thoroughly humiliated her.

The woman who was taking everything from her, piece by piece.

Why did those sobs affect her so much?

Dr. Kyrnn acknowledged her with a glance, before returning to petting and assuring Ilina as she emptied some deep well of hurt and frustration into her chest. Krystyn just stood quietly, unable to tear her eyes from the sight.

Eventually the women shifted Ilina to the side and stood up. She had to dispel the little balled fists clinging to her lab coat with some soft spoken words and a few pats on the head.

"What brings you in today," Kyrnn smiled weakly.

Krystyn spoke as quietly as she could and leaned in, "What happened to her?"

"Heartbreak," she replied with no effort to match the tact Krystyn had attempted. "I don't know the whole story. Is that why you're here too?"

Krystyn shook her head. "I had a, uh," her voice cracked suddenly. When was the last time she talked about it with anyone? "I'm dealing with flashbacks. Velia suggested I come speak to you."

"Did she?" The doctor hummed oddly, off-tune. Unlike her. "I'll have to go get some of my papers from my room," she motioned over to the couch with Ilina on it, "Sit."

The couch itself was comfortable. It brought a nice air to the room. Did Velia break up with Ilina? What did Kyrnn mean by heartbreak? She seemed really messed up. It was such a shame that the couch was going to end up reeking of cigarettes, otherwise it might be a nice place to come hang out between missions. Even when the doctor was talking to those jarred organs. The closest thing that they had to a break room was Crater's office and nobody wanted to hang out there.

"Are you okay?"

"None of your business," Ilina choked, rubbing tears and snot from her face with her sleeves.

"Did something happen with Velia?"

Silence. She really did hold a grudge, huh?

"You told her everything I said, right?" Krystyn pushed on in spite of the cold reception, "I was having an issue earlier and she still came over to help me, even though she probably hates me."

Ilina snorted, a laugh. "Of course she did." A darkness seemed to pass over the girl's face for a moment. "She helped me too. Everyone hated me, including her. But she came to my rescue anyways."

"So, she's a good person."

A long pause. Almost too long. "Yeah."

What else could Krystyn say? Ilina didn't seem like one for conversations, or if she was one for conversations, they weren't meant to be with her. Was she supposed to just try to empty her heart out and justify her actions to someone who only had to deal with the consequences? The poor thing was trying to hold back more sobs too.

"She," Ilina wheezed for a moment, holding back another bout of tears. "She told Manya that we weren't dating."

What? Wait. What?

"I thought you two were? You're inseparable. Not to mention all the sex."

Ilina laughed in that strained, worn out voice she had after all the crying. "So how long have you and Manya been dating then?"

It was a fair retort. Krystyn would have snapped back that she wasn't some fucking queer if she hadn't seen it coming. But that stuff was normal in the military. At least it was back home.

"I'm sorry we all assumed."

"I could have corrected it. It just... made me feel good. People thinking of her as mine. That we were together. I love her, after all."

This was getting a bit much for her to handle. Where was the doctor? Did she pass out on the way back? Finally cough up a lung? She was not in the space to be comforting Ilina over this right now, and Ilina certainly didn't want her here.

"This is the longest I've been next to a pretty woman without wanting her to kiss me," Ilina wiped another long string of snot on her sleeve. "Straight women really are repulsive, huh?"

Krystyn laughed, maybe a bit too loud. Repulsive! But at least she was pretty, right? It was an odd thought, but without knowing which way the doctor or the dog swung, she might be outnumbered. She was always destined to be the odd one out, huh?

"I think being straight ought to be the least repulsive thing about me."

"You're also a rapist."

"Yeah."

"Imperial dog."

Krystyn scowled at that one. "I'm from a different Imperium. Not the weird little empire on your planet."

"Yeah. Sorry. Fascist bitch."

"Now we're just getting into name calling." It stung, but Ilina had fangs and it wasn't the worst thing to let her ground herself by taking it out on Krystyn. She had thick enough skin that she could weather it. She'd heard worse too.

The girl drank half a bottle of water she pulled off the floor. Now that Krystyn was taking a look around there were a lot of tissues and water bottles around. She'd been having a bad time for a while.

"Tell me about your empire then, fascist," Ilina choked out. "Must have been pretty bad for you to drag your ass out to the middle of nowhere to try to forget about it."

Manya kept talking about how keen Ilina was. How many little details she was able to pick up and act on. Another reason to be afraid of her. But this was a way to try to open up to her and connect. Try to unfuck things even just a little bit, maybe.

She came here to talk to someone about it, and Ilina wanted to listen.

This was good.

The devil-thing grinned at her from one bed, while Velia sat on their bed refusing to even glance at Ilina. Nothing had changed since she left the room a few hours ago. Maybe she could leave and get Morian to let her sleep in her bed. The mere idea made her feel like a child.

One motion from Velia was all it took, smoothing out the bed beside her, to beckon Ilina to her side.

"Here, here," Manya called. "I'll take good care of you."

Ilina faltered, for only a second. Long enough that the devil-thing was assured of some kind of victory, practically preening herself. She sat next to Velia, as she was told to, and let Velia touch her side. The devil-thing was visibly disappointed.

"You reek of cigarettes. Did you go crying to Morian?"

Ilina nodded.

"Krystyn showed up."

It was only fair. Morian had told her that she was part of a team. That she needed to learn how to ask for help. What did that team do when she needed their help? Ran off to the brothel. She couldn't even remember what happened with Manya, only that she didn't have to look at the devil-thing for the rest of the trip. But the nightmares kept happening.

"What did you do, Ilina?"

Her name always felt different when Velia said it. It felt like a gift that made everything so much lighter and brighter. She needed to hold onto that feeling.

"I talked to her," Ilina was trying not to mutter or cry, "I told her that you were a good person."

"Did you lie to her?"

"I love you."

"Good girl," Velia gave her the lightest kiss on the cheek.

It took a while for Ilina to shift gears, especially under the vivisecting gaze of Manya, but she eventually got there. She knew what Velia would have wanted from her in that situation. Every piece of guilt and trauma the traitor shared with her, as precise as she could be. Verbatim wherever possible.

So Velia could build a blueprint. She was good with people, after all. The exact map of insecurities and vulnerabilities that made up Krystyn Zechs – or more precisely Charlotte Fellows, a foot soldier turned revolutionary hero from the core worlds – that could be used to guide her. Correct her. Mold her into the picture of obedience.

Just like Ilina Falke.

A more reasonable side to her tried to argue that nothing could justify the systemic abuse being plotted not just in this room, but Crater's office. The far stronger and deeply petty side of her decided that this was nothing but a victory for her. Velia doted on her. Manya was kept at a distance. Krystyn beaten and bruised. There was nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing.

"Absolution," Velia's sweet whisper turned the word into something deeply sickening.

Manya rolled her eyes. "Liz wants results, you know? You don't have all the time in the world to do whatever it is you're planning, kitten."

Velia smiled and whispered, like a prayer. "No forgiveness without atonement. No atonement without sacrifice. No sacrifice without suffering."

What did Ilina's blueprint look like? Maybe she had just been toyed with, but maybe it took so long to break Ilina because there was at least some core of strength in her. That was a nice thing to believe, so she held the idea close and dear.

"Promise me that you'll follow instructions."

Ilina always followed instructions. But she wasn't in this conversation anymore unless she was called upon. She just focused on Velia's sweet voice and the way her fingers rubbed at the back of her neck.

"I was following instructions," Manya snapped back suddenly. "You said to soften her up, so I did. Besides, you handled her just fine, right?"

"If you push her too far, too fast, then it won't matter how well I handle her," Velia countered, "She'll break. It's too soon for her to break. We haven't even started laying the groundwork yet!"

The bed was comfortable for two. It was going to be a squeeze for three. She didn't want to be near Manya, but that's how it would end up being. Velia would sleep with her back against the wall, holding her, and that meant she would be face to face with Manya all night.

She dreaded another nightmare.

They continued back and forth, talking about the finer details of the plan to... do something to Krystyn. Piloting metrics? Efficiency? Motivators? It was too exhausting to think about. Ilina was supposed to feel good about being involved, according to Velia. She mostly felt a little guilty for it. Krystyn was awful, but like, a normal amount of awful.

"I get it now," the devil-thing grinned and cackled, drawing Ilina back to their conversation, "Oh, you must have known, little hunter."

Known what? Velia was tugging at her own clothes for just a moment before composing herself and stepping forward. She was trying to get ahead of whatever Manya was about to say but came up short.

"Are you afraid to take off your clothes?"

The whole room hitched at the question. Ilina didn't want to think about it. About how distant she had become from Velia. She hadn't seen her body in years, even though she'd known it so well. Never allowed to touch it, of course. But she'd seen it plenty when they used to shower together and change together in the barracks.

"You wanted a treat, right?" Velia exhaled deeply, "take off your clothes. I know how to treat a woman right."

Manya chewed her knuckle, leaning back and drinking in Velia.

"No."

"Should I take them off for you?"

A smile, thin and menacing. "You've been paying attention. That's sweet of you."

Ilina wanted to burrow into the sheets and lose herself in the scents. She wanted candy. Velia's touch. Anything to get away from this awful tension. And stop trying to make Velia take off her clothes, she already said no. It wouldn't be fair if anyone else got to see her before Ilina, right? They might not be dating, but...

"Show me how you two fuck," the devil-thing purred.

It was the final crack that broke something in Ilina. Fuck. Not how they made love, or had sex, but how they fucked. The phrase just lacked emotion. That was why she chose it, wasn't it? It was either that or because it was intentionally blunt and crass. It hurt no matter why she said it.

Velia hummed for a moment. She wasn't considering it was she? She looked like she was. She was going to put on a show for that creature?

"Fine."

No. It was not fine. No.

Velia turned and pushed her back onto the bed, like she had so many times since she moved in. "Roll over."

"No."

"Ilina."

"I said no," Ilina seethed.

The room was spinning in her head, but held this eerie stillness with all eyes on her. We aren't dating, but you expect me to just roll over? Any other night she would have put up with it, but after becoming an accomplice in all of this? No. No.

"It's about what I said earlier, isn't it?" Velia used that voice. The soft, gentle one she used to when Ilina needed just that slight bit of coaxing. And the extended hand to comfort her.

Ilina swatted the hand away. "Look me in the eye when you do it."

"We've never been on a date before. But I'll have my passport in a few days and we can start dating the next time you have shore leave." Soothing and promising. It was so tempting to take the smallest victory and give in. "Just roll over so we can get this over with."

But if she didn't stand up for herself now, when would she? It had to be now. While she still had leverage. While all Velia had was promises. While she was vulnerable. She had to show Velia she still had teeth and would fight back if she wasn't treated fairly.

"All your accounts were frozen or emptied, weren't they?" Hunter almost laughed, empty and vile. The worst of herself boiling over in her words. "You're so far from home with nothing to your name and no way to support yourself."

"Ilina."

No. Absolutely not. You don't get to say name and get what you want every single time. Hunter lunged and grabbed Velia by the collar before she could think of reaching for her knife. No hesitation spared for her until she got what she wanted.

"Your entire life is on my contract! One word to Crater and you get dumped at the closest planet with nothing but the clothes on your back. One word to Morian and she takes you to the kinds of rooms she kept you in at Carrion!" She was practically shouting by the end of it.

She let it sink in for a moment before pressing, "I'm not even asking for that much. Just look me in the eyes while you fuck me, even once. Tell me you love me, even if you need to lie. Just once."

Velia's voice dropped suddenly, "you rrreally had to do this tonight? Fffine."

There was a certain defeat in her eyes. She'd given up rather easily. It was no wonder the way Manya was eating the whole situation up, rolling around on the other bed and giggling.

"We're both going to look like idiots, you know," Velia obstinately refused eye contact while she helped Ilina out of her trousers.

As if there was a single person on the Gestalt who didn't already think Ilina was an idiot, and she wasn't that concerned over Velia's reputation. As Velia started to move into position over her she reached for Velia's top, tugging at the snap buttons. Velia grasped both of Ilina's hands gentle in a shared prayer.

"I'll let you see when we're alone," her voice was quiet and pathetic, as if trying to avoid being over heard by Manya. There was something in Velia's eyes that Ilina hadn't seen before. She couldn't remember seeing it before. Was it genuine vulnerability? Whatever it was it was enough to move Ilina in that moment.

Velia undid her trousers and shook them down low enough to pull out her cock. There was some whine from Manya that she wanted a better angle to see, but Velia was too busy ignoring her to care. It was...

Limp.

Soft.

She felt bad looking at it, actually.

Several emotions swirled in the pit of her chest as Velia gracelessly attempted to stroke it to life. Like CPR. Only without the mouth-to-mouth. Which might have helped – Ilina was good at it! – if Velia hadn't kept swatting away Ilina's hands and telling her to shut up. Unless there was some magic trick involved, Velia had never had trouble getting it up any of the days, nights, or whenever she felt like it when she would shove Ilina face first into the bed, wall, or desk.

This was my fault, wasn't it?

A thought escaped containment, quietly. "Is it because I'm not pretty?"

Velia burst, "Oh, shut the fuck up. And sssstop looking at me llllike that."

Frustrated tears slid across Velia's cheek. Ilina shrunk away, feeling as small as... well.

A few, useless, wordless grunts later Velia shoved it back into her pants and buried her face in her hands. She'd given up. Ilina dared not look to see Manya's reaction. Okay, now she felt guilty and bad about this. But still, was Ilina that unwanted? She was trying not to chase that falling sensation.

Velia mumbled something, muffled by her hands. Ilina leaned closer to try to hear.

"It's because you're pppretty," she repeated, somehow quieter than the first time, "it makes me so sssself-conscious. I cccan't..."

After a moment, Ilina was able to coax one of Velia's hands away from her face so she could hold it. It didn't really sink in that Velia thought Ilina was pretty. That felt like a lie to get out of the situation. But Velia kept hiding her face behind her other hand and couldn't look directly at Ilina. Her face was so red too.

Maybe she wasn't lying.

Oh, Velia.

After a few minutes of silently sitting together, not looking directly at each other, and wishing she'd never opened her stupid mouth, they both seemed to calm down a bit.

"The thing that sucks for me is that I have to stay here after seeing all that," Manya groaned from the other bed. "It's so awkward. You have no idea how hard this is on me, in particular."

"So, you're still on board even without your treat?" Velia's voice was too loud and it cracked.

"I was on board with or without a treat. Liz's orders."